30 Things I've Learned: #26

-Always give love another chance. 

My college boyfriend broke my heart.  Then I moved. A chance at a new beginning. Ironically he introduced me to a friend he had living in Texas.  I would go on to date and live with that friend for 5 years. Then we broke each other's hearts. I would then go on to date a friend and coworker.  He was unable to put humpty dumpty back together again, however he was able to catch all the pieces nearly as fast as they fell. Then he had to hand them back to me. I broke my own heart.  

I moved. A chance at a new beginning. The next person I would "date" would be the ill fated open relationship (refer to earlier post).  It was it's own bubble of toxicity, but it was also one of the only things that got me through Ohio. He didn't know me before, he had no benchmark for who I was supposed to be. He had no idea who I was going to be.  He knew me in a certain time. In a certain place. It was a relief.  I could breathe a little easier knowing the expectation was nonexistent. Like two strangers passing in the night. He reminded me I knew how to put all those pieces back together. No hearts were broken. Only repaired. 

I moved. A chance at a new beginning. Only this time - my own.  I broke hearts. Some broke mine. And then I did the ultimate - I broke my own.  I paused at each hurt. I felt it. I let it consume me (sometimes, most of the time, too much), but I desperately wanted to learn from each betrayal. I don't believe love conquers all, people do. I'm not particularly romantic and my life goal has never been to get married. But I've always been fascinated by love and intimate relationships. I've always liked the connection. So I've always been looking for it. Only I never knew what that meant, so through trial and error I just kept giving it my all, losing it all, and trying again.  

Always trying again. Always giving love a second chance. Always giving myself a second chance. And now I'm dating someone new......and the story continues.