Downdogging Through Life
I decided to become a yoga teacher on a plane ride back from Mexico City on Nov.1, 2013. I was knee deep in unhappiness, a maze of bad life choices, and a patron filled bloodstream (it had been a Mexican wedding afterall). I was with my college roommate and she was about to embark on a 10 month long trip around the world. Naturally, I was inspired and needed something halfway interesting to do myself. I'd been practicing yoga for about 4 years and my yoga teacher had planted the seed when she'd asked me to sign up for teacher training 6 months earlier. My initial response was "but I'm not good enough" and her response was "there's no such thing". Numerous things stopped me from being able to do it - time, money, circumstance...confidence - but sitting on that airplane hyped up on seltzer water and tylenol it suddenly seemed like a great idea. I considered backing out every single day right up until the training. Even after it began I kept thinking "it's not too late, the door is right there". However, quitting just wasn't an option - if for no other reason than too many people knew I was doing it, too many people would think I was a failure. When I was in the training it seemed life changing "yes, this.is.it" but the second I stepped outside and back into real life I realized it was a healthy distraction.
The day I finished yoga training was one of the proudest days I've had; 3 long months of giving up nights and weeks, hours of reading and practicing, studying and learning. I went on to complete another course of training before landing my first yoga job with a corporate studio. Another incredibly proud moment. With each milestone came the thought of "this.is.it. My life will come together, it's all going to make sense". That's the thing about those life changing moments though, they're rarely what you think they're going to be, at least that's always been the case for me. It would take many more months and Malibu beach water before "this.is.it" finally happened.
Nearly a year after completing my training I finally feel prepared to be a yoga instructor. It has nothing to do with being able to master a headstand or bend into a pretzel. Learning the poses and the anatomy are vital parts of becoming an instructor, but it's more than that. Connecting with people, letting go, being authentic - those are the things that I must bring to the table. Those are the things that cannot be taught but have to be learned.
I have shorter arms and a longer torso which make some poses easy and others seem impossible. Arm balances don't come easy to me, I have to work at them. Some days I can hold crow for 10 breaths, other days a forward fold is the best I got. But doing things from my soul...well....that I can do everyday and in my experience other people really dig that shit.
"But I'm not good enough"....
"There's no such thing."
