My Happiness Journey - Destination: Phuket
Phuket, Thailand just might be heaven on earth. I labored over picking a place to stay amidst Thailand's famous beaches - Koh Samui, gorgeous but too westernized, Ko Phi Phi, beautiful but didn't like the hotels. I initially passed on Phuket due to Patong Beach and it's famous party scene and that not being the purpose of this trip. But I kept coming back to it again and again. I've been interested in Phuket ever since the Tsunami hit 11 years ago and hoped someday to visit - ironic that I lost this desire upon initially planning my trip - but once I started researching hotels I was able to find numerous that were secluded from Phuket's famous party scene. The hotel I landed on is truly breathtaking - a private villa with it's own pool (that you can dive into right off the bedroom), outdoor shower, outdoor tub, a his and hers closet, a massive indoor shower, outdoor cabana and bar, lounge sofa. You name it and this place has thought of it. There are candles to light, every incidental a traveler might have forgot is in the bathroom: toothbrushes, hair ties, sewing kit, shaving kit. They have bath salts and lavender spray for the pillows. There is insect repellent for the ever present mosquitos. Everything is thought through to make this the most relaxing and tranquil vacation.
The restaurants on site serve the most flavorful food. I've had the best pad thai - served under a web they created out of egg. There are the spring rolls that melt in my mouth. The breakfast buffet has anything and everything: eggs, fruit, yogurt, every nut and juice imaginable, all sorts of cheese, meats, sushi, noodle soup bar, an egg station, pastries, bread, cookies, muffins. Breakfast is a battle in which I go from being elated at the sight of it all to extremely sad that I can't actually ingest it all.
The villas are hidden amongst the jungle-like setting - a lily pond complete with ducks and fish - for which they gave me bread to feed them, coconut trees, bamboo lining the foot paths. If I choose to leave the comfort of my private pool then I can walk to the resort pool - a quiet area where they put the lounge chairs IN the pool. It is there I can stare at the waves of the ocean.
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I've always heeded the call of the ocean, getting lost in the rhythmic movement of the waves. I have gotten entranced by the water on the east and west coast, the gulf of mexico, Mexico, Ireland, Spain, Brazil, and now in Thailand. Each place holds it's own unique experience - it's own sounds and smells. But with each place as I dig my toes in the sand I have the same longing feeling - I wish I could stay forever. I always seem to find myself face to face with the waves during my life's crossroads. Years ago in Mexico I listened to a John Legend song on repeat hoping to figure out my next career move. I was 22 and single and I wanted to move anywhere and everywhere - it wasn't too long after that I met my boyfriend and would end up staying in Dallas. Four years later at a friend's wedding in Mexico that boyfriend and I would try and use the tranquility and serenity of the water to restore our crumbling relationship. We would use it as a way to reconnect, to try and find the calmness we once had. I would stand on the beaches of Brazil 6 months later and contemplate that very relationship, my tears falling in line with the rhythms of the ocean as I realized we had failed, I had failed. Nearly seven months ago as I hit my version of rock bottom, I stared at the sea in Malibu, California and made the commitment to form a new life plan.
And now - Thailand. I still feel the same sense of happiness and sadness when I stare at the water. The duality of who I am always coming up in these moments. However, I've learned to find calmness in the two sides of my soul - stopped fighting the need to be happy all the time, and accepted being sad is okay, sometimes even necessary. Today as I walked along the ocean, staring out at the water, the same water that 11 years ago ended thousands of lives, I was taken aback by how peaceful I felt against something so powerful. I didn't have 100 questions racing through my mind needing answers, instead with each inhale and each exhale I repeated one simple statement "let.go…..let.go".
My life is in transition, there are many unknowns, many "what's next" things I have to think about. But in this moment, today, I realized that I finally found the tranquility, the serenity, the calmness and the reconnecting - only I found them not with another person, but with myself.
Ocean to ocean, wave to wave, painstaking decisions and insurmountable heartache I finally became a whole person.
I have no idea where I go next, what I'll do, or with whom……but I hope there's water nearby.
The restaurants on site serve the most flavorful food. I've had the best pad thai - served under a web they created out of egg. There are the spring rolls that melt in my mouth. The breakfast buffet has anything and everything: eggs, fruit, yogurt, every nut and juice imaginable, all sorts of cheese, meats, sushi, noodle soup bar, an egg station, pastries, bread, cookies, muffins. Breakfast is a battle in which I go from being elated at the sight of it all to extremely sad that I can't actually ingest it all.
The villas are hidden amongst the jungle-like setting - a lily pond complete with ducks and fish - for which they gave me bread to feed them, coconut trees, bamboo lining the foot paths. If I choose to leave the comfort of my private pool then I can walk to the resort pool - a quiet area where they put the lounge chairs IN the pool. It is there I can stare at the waves of the ocean.
I've always heeded the call of the ocean, getting lost in the rhythmic movement of the waves. I have gotten entranced by the water on the east and west coast, the gulf of mexico, Mexico, Ireland, Spain, Brazil, and now in Thailand. Each place holds it's own unique experience - it's own sounds and smells. But with each place as I dig my toes in the sand I have the same longing feeling - I wish I could stay forever. I always seem to find myself face to face with the waves during my life's crossroads. Years ago in Mexico I listened to a John Legend song on repeat hoping to figure out my next career move. I was 22 and single and I wanted to move anywhere and everywhere - it wasn't too long after that I met my boyfriend and would end up staying in Dallas. Four years later at a friend's wedding in Mexico that boyfriend and I would try and use the tranquility and serenity of the water to restore our crumbling relationship. We would use it as a way to reconnect, to try and find the calmness we once had. I would stand on the beaches of Brazil 6 months later and contemplate that very relationship, my tears falling in line with the rhythms of the ocean as I realized we had failed, I had failed. Nearly seven months ago as I hit my version of rock bottom, I stared at the sea in Malibu, California and made the commitment to form a new life plan.
And now - Thailand. I still feel the same sense of happiness and sadness when I stare at the water. The duality of who I am always coming up in these moments. However, I've learned to find calmness in the two sides of my soul - stopped fighting the need to be happy all the time, and accepted being sad is okay, sometimes even necessary. Today as I walked along the ocean, staring out at the water, the same water that 11 years ago ended thousands of lives, I was taken aback by how peaceful I felt against something so powerful. I didn't have 100 questions racing through my mind needing answers, instead with each inhale and each exhale I repeated one simple statement "let.go…..let.go".
My life is in transition, there are many unknowns, many "what's next" things I have to think about. But in this moment, today, I realized that I finally found the tranquility, the serenity, the calmness and the reconnecting - only I found them not with another person, but with myself.
Ocean to ocean, wave to wave, painstaking decisions and insurmountable heartache I finally became a whole person.
I have no idea where I go next, what I'll do, or with whom……but I hope there's water nearby.