Tomorrow is the ending of another year (well for some people)
"What is your word for 2016?"
"umm freedom?" (no I did that)
"umm living?" (wait, isn't that what I'm also doing already?)
"uhh...well...errr....shit. I don't know?"
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Last NYE I was in Los Angeles with the guy I was dating and his friend. We rented an apt in Santa Monica, a convertible, we made reservations at a fancy restaurant and we bought a table with Dom Perignon at the top of the W hotel complete with a view of the Hollywood sign. What came free with all of that? A whole lot of expectation. The night would end with me crying and yelling and my date fighting to keep me from wandering off into darkness of the city of angels. From 11:59 in one year to 12:01 in the next, I was the same person. No strike at midnight could save me from myself...from my life.
This NYE will be the first time in 15 years I don't have a date, a "you will be kissing me at midnight" person. I could have asked someone. I chose not too. Instead I will be spending it with a girlfriend at a concert. A few days ago she texted to tell me her flight had been cancelled and she was worried she wouldn't be back in time. I felt a momentary tinge of sadness and then quickly thought "do I really care if I end up alone with some wine and netflix?" and the answer was no.
My new year started on October 15. My goals and resolutions have been in action the past 2 and a half months. Tomorrow night is a somewhat arbitrary event for me. I'm looking forward to the concert, to girl time, to dancing and to getting lost in the music. I'm looking forward to the clock striking midnight and one calendar year rolling into the next as the first quarter of my personal new year passes by. Tomorrow night is a celebration of who I am becoming and who I will continue to be. For many tomorrow night marks an ending and a chance at a new beginning. I hope for many it is, I know for some it will end in tears and yelling. So much expectation. I want everyone to know that it's never too late to start a new year. Maybe January will be awful (just as mine was this past year), but that doesn't mean the next 11 months will be. It is never too late to begin again. It is never too late to celebrate a new year.
I have made the same 5 New Year's resolutions for the past few years - Try something new, learn something new, visit someplace new, have sex someplace new, and check something off my bucket list. They were an attempt to make me a better human. This year is the first year I feel like I might actually be one, I might actually have caught up to my own resolution intention. Finally.
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Choice. That is my word for 2016. Choose my thoughts. Choose my actions. Choose where I go and who I am with. I don't know all the forms this will show up in, but I am excited. I am ready. I spent so many years fixing and repairing - friendships, relationships, my life - and now I get to move ahead, move forward.
It is never too late to begin again. My New Year started on Oct 15 - no confetti, no streamers, no champagne. Tomorrow night I am celebrating how far I have come and how far I have to go. Just like last year 12:01 will look no differen than 11:59 - just no tears. No yelling. OK...maybe some yelling....I will be at a concert afterall.....
Choice. To everyone looking forward to 2015 ending and 2016 beginning, know from a girl who used to put so much into that one night, a new year can begin at anytime.
Happy New Year.
Happy quarter year.
Happy it's never too late to begin again and choose your own fucking path year.