30 Things I've Learned: #29

-Have girlfriends. Date them. Seriously. 

Three years ago I sat across from my best friend at my favorite restaurant in Dallas as she asked, "so tell me about you, your relationship, you never have anything negative to say about X, he must be perfect". I sat there. Stone faced. For 4 years I said nothing of my relationship. It was actually really good, but there were things that I felt, things that I saw as possible cracks in the foundation, but I never discussed them. To discuss them would be to acknowledge them, to acknowledge them would mean a much bigger discussion with my boyfriend. All things I didn't want to do. But that night I looked at her and started to tell her about some doubts I was having. I didn't get super into detail, but it was the beginning of a 3 year conversation. 

Throughout most of my breakup and subsequent move to Ohio I pulled away from my girlfriends.  I rarely hung out with them, I didn't ever go into great detail about my life.  I made new friends, one's who hadn't known me from my relationship. It was simpler, easier. I let me ex have our joint friends and I decided maybe I didn't even need close friends. I was good on my own. 

Then I moved to Ohio. Then I hit the wall of defeat and exhaustion. I recognized that those close friends were going to be the only thing to help pull me back from the depression I had established residence in. I also realized that I would need to spend a lot of time repairing all the damage I had done. Recognizing I had plenty of time on my hands and there was no time like the present I dove in head first.  I went to Dallas once a month for visits. I made weekly phone calls. I texted daily.  I checked in and checked in on them.  I sent cards and gifts. I was still struggling with my own things, but I realized my friends were too and together we could share and laugh and cry an we could get through this. 

Today my friends are my family. I reach out, I talk about current issues, I talk about the life behind the beautiful split second instagram photo. The life behind the highlight reel. I talk about my relationship, all the good things - of which there are a lot - but I talk about the concerns and the stupid little things that come up. I find comfort in the closeness. I find comfort in the realness.  

I move plans around or change things to go on dates with my girlfriends. They mean everything to me. A lot of times they're the highlight of my week. After a particularly tough day dealing with the DMV a couple weeks back a girlfriend insisted I meet her at a wine bar, when I showed up she had a hug and  bottle of wine waiting. Instantly I breathed a hugh sigh of relief.  

I sent out "save the dates" for my 30th birthday 6 months ago. I told everyone I would be doing this 2 years ago. I have made an itinerary and planned it all out. In the same way a wedding is a new beginning, this is my own new beginning. But more than that, it is my thank you card to all of them.  One I've known since high school, some from college, many from Dallas, and new friends from San Francisco.  A perfect group of imperfect women. A celebration guaranteed to not end in divorce. 

Date your girlfriends.  

Often and forever.