A letter from my 29 year old self.

Breathe. Deep inhale. Deep exhale. 29 years. 30 actually. Breathe.  

You thought this would feel different, look different. Remember when you were 20 telling your boyfriend you could see maybe having a baby at 27? Remember at 26 being so fucking terrified to break up with your boyfriend because it could mean a life alone? Remember thinking that by 30 you had to have it all figured out? Then remember when you let it all go?

The last three years have been full of trials and tribulations, happy moments and numerous tears. You've fallen, gotten back up, and lost your footing again. But look back - see all that you accomplished. Look at all the risks you took, look at all of the new things you tried. You quit a dream job, you left a city you loved, you tried one you didn't love at all, and then ended up on the West coast. You bought your dream sofa only to put it in storage only to then realize how things don't make you happy - you do. The next time you sit on that couch I guarantee you'll feel so much happier - the real dream now being realized. 

You left a relationship you loved, a relationship everyone loved, but one you were no longer in love with. You were scared you'd end up alone, scared you'd never find what you were looking for, but you did it anyway.   

For all the good things you have accomplished,  you are still so hard yourself. You still look in the mirror and at times see someone who isn't there. My hope for you in this next decade is to find comfort in that woman looking back at you.  Be easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself. You've done all the bad things and survived, but time and space aren't guaranteed - so be gentler with yourself. You have a man who loves you just as you are. You have friends who love you just as you are. Obsessing over the 10 pounds will cause you to miss so many happy things. Breathe.  

You have moved coast to coast, from house to room, from single to relationship and back again. You have had a dream career and now get the chance at another. You have ended up in a place you never thought possible. You are in love. You found what you were looking for afterall. But mostly you found you. 

You have lived. You have created a life, one worth retelling in stories shared daily.  Teach others and teach yourself. You thought this would look different, feel different. But you never thought it would feel this good. You never thought it would look this good. You never thought it would be an actual new beginning.  

Tomorrow you are 30 and with that comes one very awesome realization..... 

give a lot less fucks, have a lot more fun, and eat the cookie.

Always eat the cookie. 

Namaste.