But I want their REEL life....
"Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel." -Steven Furtick
I was in Oregon this past weekend visiting my boyfriend (who is a forest firefighter). He had to work one of the day's so I got up early and worked out and then drove the 90 minutes to Crater Lake National Park. It's breathtaking. I've never seen water that blue. At that elevation there is still snow on the ground, and lots of it. My sundress was startingly out of place, but I had a jacket and knew I wouldn't be there long. I took photos. I breathed in the fresh, crisp morning air and then got back in my car to drive to the Father's Day family day lunch at my boyfriend's work. I pulled into the parking lot about 40 minutes later than I'd expected, my moutain air zen dissipating with every minute late. My phone had no service and that's when I started to feel that all too familiar feeling - chest tightening, mind racing, air caught in my throat - "what the fuck? I'm about to have a panic attack". I decided I was too late to show up "they're all going to stare at me as I walk up, they'll all wonder why I'm late", then I decided I looked out of place "why didn't' I just wear yoga clothes?", "why didn't I pick a more dressed down sundress" , I couldn't immediately spot any other non firefighters, "where are the other 'family members'?!", "oh gosh I'm going to be the only one, wait, did they cancel and I didn't know because I don't have service?", then I worked my way up to "where is my boyfriend?! Doesn't he know I'm out here panicking?!" (of course not because no rational person would be doing this). At this point I was just considering leaving. I didn't just consider, I had a full on conversation with myself - something that only furthered my current unhinged mental state. I'm not sure how much time passed in my car, at least 15 minutes until I forced myself out. I took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. A few minutes later I spotted my boyfriend and children playing, more significant others, no one else even looked up at me, and his first words were "I like your dress". OK so maybe I didn't need to wear the yoga clothes and a group full of firefighter men at lunchtime ONLY want to eat, their plate of food being far more interesting than me walking up a half hour late. Whew, okay, crisis averted. Day is good....well....
Then it was volleyball time, with a stress fracture on my right foot I couldn't play (that and a sundress aren't a winning combo), so I sat on the sidelines. As the wind whipped across my face, my eyes started to itch, my nose started running, and just like that my allergies decided they wanted a front row seat to the event. Three hours later with puffy eyes, virtually no makeup left on my face, and water streaming out of my eyes I was pretty sure my "stress free nature day" had been hijacked. I would proceed to get irritated with my boyfriend for making plans to watch the game - a combination of a sinus headache and being hangry (read: starving after only eating a few salads and a whole lot of salmon dip). He mentioned how days earlier I'd wanted to watch the game, neglecting to fully understand that with puffy red eyes and salmon and cheese in my stomach I was really just over it all.
Last night as we laid in bed and he kissed me I had to politely say "not tonight" because really I couldn't breathe out of my nose and was suffocating, and mainly I was just exhausted. Snow in a sundress, a near anxiety attack, and a full on allergy attack had killed my wanderlusting day. But hey, I got a rad instagram photo. That counts right?
"Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel." I love social media. I love looking at images and reading quotes and seeing beautiful and creative things. But I also love reminding myself that those are a split second in time, an instant. The story behind the photo is often times inspiring and interesting, but other times it's caotic and frustrating. But that is real life. That is my life. My life is imaginative and artistic, cool and appealing. It is also stressful and exhausting. It is perfectly imperfect.
The above, the behind the scenes look, that is #nofilter. That is real.
The photo is beautiful. The girl who took it, well she was wearing sunglasses, Kanye style, to try and prevent the pollen and grass from burning her retina's.
