Life is like a box of chocolates, most are terrible but occasionally you find a good one.....
“He talked about light bulbs. LIGHT BULBS. Can you believe it?!?”
“Mom, I once went on a date with a guy who told me the best lesson his mother taught him was how to eat pu**y. So I’d take light bulbs.”
My mother was married at 18 so her foray into dating has been a somewhat rocky road. She’s been married and divorced 3 times, most recently to my father, whom would make anyone want to swear off dating/marriage/men. In the course of the past 10 years she’s dated periodically. Initially I had to “ground” her due to her selection capabilities. From time to time she would share snippets from different people she’d met, “oh he lives in such and such town”, “what, Mom, that’s in the middle of nowhere, you’re the antithesis of a country girl, what are you doing?”, “oh right. Oops”.
Recently she started talking to someone. My own PTSD over my parents’ divorce kills my inquisitive nature so I never ask questions. However, the other day I figured I would ask – cringe and wait for a response. She told me it was “good” and then quickly went into a story about something irritating a girlfriend had done. I informed her that while I saw how it could be irritating, she shouldn't take it personally. “Oh really?”. Really. Then I pressed her to find out if she was as hard on the people she dated as she often times is on her girlfriends (or me). I asked her more questions – my own Richter scale to find out if I could lift her “grounding” penalty. I have tried to clue her in over the years that sometimes relationships don’t work out over little things, it’s not always cataclysmic. If she doesn’t like the guy who goes on and on about light bulbs – that’s okay. He doesn't secretly have to have bodies piled up in his basement for her to walk away. My own relationship ending and a subsequent friendship developing have proved this theory.
I proceeded to do the thing I try and NEVER do – give relationship advice. Below are my top 10 pieces of advice. I’d prefer they be utilized for a parent entering back into the dating world - seems less scary than giving them to a peer, also if they fail I can say "oh well, at least you've been married before!", but if someone can find additional merit in them I’m all for it:
…..just waiting to tell you what their mama taught them.
“Mom, I once went on a date with a guy who told me the best lesson his mother taught him was how to eat pu**y. So I’d take light bulbs.”
My mother was married at 18 so her foray into dating has been a somewhat rocky road. She’s been married and divorced 3 times, most recently to my father, whom would make anyone want to swear off dating/marriage/men. In the course of the past 10 years she’s dated periodically. Initially I had to “ground” her due to her selection capabilities. From time to time she would share snippets from different people she’d met, “oh he lives in such and such town”, “what, Mom, that’s in the middle of nowhere, you’re the antithesis of a country girl, what are you doing?”, “oh right. Oops”.
Recently she started talking to someone. My own PTSD over my parents’ divorce kills my inquisitive nature so I never ask questions. However, the other day I figured I would ask – cringe and wait for a response. She told me it was “good” and then quickly went into a story about something irritating a girlfriend had done. I informed her that while I saw how it could be irritating, she shouldn't take it personally. “Oh really?”. Really. Then I pressed her to find out if she was as hard on the people she dated as she often times is on her girlfriends (or me). I asked her more questions – my own Richter scale to find out if I could lift her “grounding” penalty. I have tried to clue her in over the years that sometimes relationships don’t work out over little things, it’s not always cataclysmic. If she doesn’t like the guy who goes on and on about light bulbs – that’s okay. He doesn't secretly have to have bodies piled up in his basement for her to walk away. My own relationship ending and a subsequent friendship developing have proved this theory.
I proceeded to do the thing I try and NEVER do – give relationship advice. Below are my top 10 pieces of advice. I’d prefer they be utilized for a parent entering back into the dating world - seems less scary than giving them to a peer, also if they fail I can say "oh well, at least you've been married before!", but if someone can find additional merit in them I’m all for it:
- If something doesn't feel right – it’s not. Walk away.
- If someone goes on and on about light bulbs or an ingrown toenail it does not mean they reenact silence of the lambs in their free time.
- If you like to attend concerts and the other person does not that’s OKAY – it’s okay to have different interests – in fact, it’s better.
- Talk to your friends about the guy (or girl) – good and bad things. If you’re afraid to share something with them there’s a reason for that – a bad one.
- Know where you stand with the other person before introducing them to everyone. If you need your friend’s opinion to find out if you like the other person – you don’t.
- Be OKAY with criticism. EVERYONE will tell you their opinion, understand it comes from their own experiences.
- Act towards the person as you would a friend. If they say/do something you don’t like – call them on it.
- DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS. They were there before, they’ll be there after.
- If the other person doesn't have friends – there’s a reason for it. Don’t walk, RUN away.
…..just waiting to tell you what their mama taught them.