Mind over Matter
"They laugh at me because I'm different,
I laugh at them because they're all the same."
Last night I watched the Bruce Jenner special. I went into it thinking it would be humorous - a 2 hour light hearted special about nail polish and dresses. I reluctantly admit that I watch the Kardashians and have always been indifferent towards Bruce - the awkward loner goofball who never got much airtime. However, when news started breaking of him becoming a woman he suddenly got interesting - to everyone.
About 5 minutes into watching I was hit with overwhelming sadness. He'd spent 65 years living a lie, pretending, not wanting to disappoint people. He let the perceptions of others play into the perception of himself. He tried his entire life to be the version of himself that other people wanted, the version they saw.
Last year one of my best friends mother blocked me on facebook - not just unfriend, but blocked. It took me awhile to realize it and when I did my first reaction was that it was a mistake. I eventually made a joke to my fried about it and his response was startlingly "or it's because you're only wearing a bra in your profile picture". WHOA. Didn't see that coming. I'd done a rolling stones-esque photoshoot and there was a photo of me sitting on a couch with a guitar and a bra. However due to the angle you don't see much other than my arm, shins and half the bra top. My response was immediate - REMOVE PHOTO. Hell, remove ALL photos. I spent the next 20 minutes doing a social media clean sweep - I think in all I removed around 200 photos. WHEW - OK, DID THE RIGHT THING. Or did I? I felt like I'd played into someone else's issues, someone else's viewpoint of right and wrong. Had I done anything wrong? I wasn't drinking and dancing on a table. I wasn't nude. I have photos in swimsuits that show far more. It was a very tastefully done artistic photo that I was incredibly proud of - and I just removed it?
When I started writing this blog I knew people would have opinions - good and bad. When revealing such personal information there is a level of vulnerability that I'm unfamiliar with - so exposing, far more uncovering than any facebook photo. I struggled with whether or not I wanted to reveal the broken parts, the parts of myself that don't shine up so pretty. I struggled with peeling back the veil and revealing the real version of myself. But people will always have an opinion, people will always talk, so I might as well tell them the truth - my truth.
I am not a religious person, however I did grow up going to Catholic school - I was in choir, an alter server, a reader - and I've read the bible - cover to cover. The one prevailing lesson I got from it all was this: Treat others as you would want to be treated (and for anyone wanting to argue, yes it's there: Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12). Everyone is entitled to their own opinion - whether it's Bruce Jenner, my bra photo, someone's acting out, or the plethora of other issues humans face. However, it's just that - an opinion. No one knows the right answer, but it isn't making another person feel bad about being who they are, it isn't ridicule and judgement and harshness. No one needs to agree with everyone's choices, but I do think everyone should try and understand them. Educate themselves. Try and be open minded.
And for those of you who want to argue "but what about Bruce's children, they're losing their dad". Yes, in a way they are, the male version of their dad is dead. But as he stated, "I'm not going anywhere." As someone who watched one version of a parent die and never come back I can tell you I would love it if my father called and told me the reason he did all the things he did is because he was living a lie. That he would still be there for me and care for me, but he just needed to be this other person. As someone who watched one version of a parent die and never come back, I can tell you that children want to be loved - in whatever form that comes in.
And as for that facebook photo.....
I laugh at them because they're all the same."
Last night I watched the Bruce Jenner special. I went into it thinking it would be humorous - a 2 hour light hearted special about nail polish and dresses. I reluctantly admit that I watch the Kardashians and have always been indifferent towards Bruce - the awkward loner goofball who never got much airtime. However, when news started breaking of him becoming a woman he suddenly got interesting - to everyone.
About 5 minutes into watching I was hit with overwhelming sadness. He'd spent 65 years living a lie, pretending, not wanting to disappoint people. He let the perceptions of others play into the perception of himself. He tried his entire life to be the version of himself that other people wanted, the version they saw.
Last year one of my best friends mother blocked me on facebook - not just unfriend, but blocked. It took me awhile to realize it and when I did my first reaction was that it was a mistake. I eventually made a joke to my fried about it and his response was startlingly "or it's because you're only wearing a bra in your profile picture". WHOA. Didn't see that coming. I'd done a rolling stones-esque photoshoot and there was a photo of me sitting on a couch with a guitar and a bra. However due to the angle you don't see much other than my arm, shins and half the bra top. My response was immediate - REMOVE PHOTO. Hell, remove ALL photos. I spent the next 20 minutes doing a social media clean sweep - I think in all I removed around 200 photos. WHEW - OK, DID THE RIGHT THING. Or did I? I felt like I'd played into someone else's issues, someone else's viewpoint of right and wrong. Had I done anything wrong? I wasn't drinking and dancing on a table. I wasn't nude. I have photos in swimsuits that show far more. It was a very tastefully done artistic photo that I was incredibly proud of - and I just removed it?
When I started writing this blog I knew people would have opinions - good and bad. When revealing such personal information there is a level of vulnerability that I'm unfamiliar with - so exposing, far more uncovering than any facebook photo. I struggled with whether or not I wanted to reveal the broken parts, the parts of myself that don't shine up so pretty. I struggled with peeling back the veil and revealing the real version of myself. But people will always have an opinion, people will always talk, so I might as well tell them the truth - my truth.
I am not a religious person, however I did grow up going to Catholic school - I was in choir, an alter server, a reader - and I've read the bible - cover to cover. The one prevailing lesson I got from it all was this: Treat others as you would want to be treated (and for anyone wanting to argue, yes it's there: Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12). Everyone is entitled to their own opinion - whether it's Bruce Jenner, my bra photo, someone's acting out, or the plethora of other issues humans face. However, it's just that - an opinion. No one knows the right answer, but it isn't making another person feel bad about being who they are, it isn't ridicule and judgement and harshness. No one needs to agree with everyone's choices, but I do think everyone should try and understand them. Educate themselves. Try and be open minded.
And for those of you who want to argue "but what about Bruce's children, they're losing their dad". Yes, in a way they are, the male version of their dad is dead. But as he stated, "I'm not going anywhere." As someone who watched one version of a parent die and never come back I can tell you I would love it if my father called and told me the reason he did all the things he did is because he was living a lie. That he would still be there for me and care for me, but he just needed to be this other person. As someone who watched one version of a parent die and never come back, I can tell you that children want to be loved - in whatever form that comes in.
And as for that facebook photo.....