Running. Is hard.
"Run from my house, to the park. Run around the park 3 times.
Run back home. 3.5 miles. My House, park, 3 times, back. Got this."
Or not….
Two days ago I went running for the first time in 6 months.
The 6 months prior run being the only run of 2014. Running has never been my “thing”. My ex was
the one who got me into it. He used to run 9 miles or more. When we first started dating I vowed to be a “runner”.
How hard can it be?! REALLY.FUCKING.HARD. At first I was only able to run 5 minutes.
FIVE. MINUTES. Then 10…then 15….then 30. Eventually I started looking at the
mileage and worked my way up to 3 miles.
I never set out to run a marathon so I was happy with my 5K ability.
Overtime it became easier, I was never the fastest person, but I could run
without losing my breath (and cursing people under it) and it became a good form of cardio exercise to
combine with my yoga practice. However,
since I've never loved running it’s always been the thing that’s easy to let go
of when I’m lazy, it’s cold, life is hard, I want a snack, etc. So needless to
say last year, running didn't even make the list of things I was going to try
and accomplish.
Two days ago I decided it was time to get back in the game. The weather was finally sunny and in the 60’s.
I laced up my shoes, made an amazing playlist and off I went. YES! STILL GOT
IT. About 3 blocks in my feet started to hurt, then my knees…..then hips….. I didn't have it. At all. I made it to the park and felt as if I’d run 15 miles - I’d run
0.25. Shit. I kept looking around at people
passing me. WHERE IS MY RUNNERS
HIGH?!? Just keep going…keep….go….I
stopped. I ran 0.96 miles before I started walking. From there it
was run a mile – then stop and walk. This went on all
3 times around plus a run/walk combo home. Of the 3.5 miles I ran about 2, I can pretend it was
2.5, but really it was 2. At times the only way I even knew I
was actually running was because I passed people who were walking. I got home and felt defeated. My body hurt. I
was immobile on the couch wondering how the yoga girl could no longer even run a mile.
Yesterday, sore legs and all, I decided to lace up my shoes
and give it another go. I vowed to just run farther than I had the day prior
without stopping. I ran to the park –
check – then halfway around – then completely around...OK……this is good…..then I.Kept. Going. I made it 2 miles, then walked 0.20 and decided to try and run some
more….and I ran the rest of the way. 3.5 miles – only 0.20 walked. Turns out my body was completely capable of
doing the run, it was my mind that was stopping me – “oh! Look at that girl,
cute dog…oh man that guy is running faster than me, hmm uphill is hard, OMG AM
I GETTING SHIN SPLINTS?!?” All things I was telling myself to give myself a
pass, to tell myself I wasn't a runner, to tell myself I couldn't do it. I have friends who running is as second
nature as walking. A couple have done
marathons, some run all the time, one friend of mine forgot she signed up for a
half marathon until two days prior. She showed up the day of, zero training,
and completed it. I’m jealous that the
runners high comes so naturally to them, that they are able to get lost in
their thoughts and mile after mile passes without resolve. However, these same friends look at me and my
pretzel body poses and wonder how it could ever bend that way, how I could find contortion and balancing therapeutic.
Three months ago today I developed my “new life plan”. Part
of that includes a by day spreadsheet of goals: fitness
and personal. Every day I have to write
down one good thing I did for myself (can be as simple as just relaxing) and
keep track of when I workout. At the end
of the year I will have an accountability chart of my happiness - 365 days
worth. I remember the first week in
talking to one of my girlfriends and telling her how daunting this seemed, “why am I even doing this? I wish
it was 3 months in and not 3 days in.” Well, now it is 3 months in )and I’m
actually headed to Dallas and will see that friend today).
I used to fall over when trying to balance in yoga. I used to barely be able to run 5 minutes. Line 1 of a blank 365 line spreadsheet seemed mind boggling. All of these things seemed overwhelming when I
first started, but all were things I needed. All were things I reluctantly started, that I forced myself to stick with even if for no other reason than I
hate to give up. And all were things that have been life changing.
As the saying goes, “Don’t rush things. Anything worth
having is worth waiting for.”
Now, I wonder if I can order a runners high off Amazon?
