Boobs in Bangkok
“Fight for what you fucking love.”
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One of the most disappointing things during the demise of my relationship was my lack of conviction, my lack of fight. I’ve always prided myself on being a decisive person. I told a friend at the time that I would labor over small decisions – ie: the Cheesecake Factory menu, but the big ones, the major ones, the important ones – I could easily make those. So when I let fear overtake me and complacency control me I was stunned and disappointed in myself. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed, but I stayed because I lost my fight. I lost myself.
Today I woke up early , another beautiful day in Bangkok. We ate breakfast outside. I drank my guava juice and ate sushi – a completely acceptable breakfast food – and thought about the day ahead. This was our last full day in Bangkok (we’ll make a brief half day appearance at the end of our trip) and I still hadn’t seen the floating market or had a Thai massage. We took a cab for the 30-minute trip to the market. It was fascinating to watch the men and women cooking on a boat and serving to locals. I looked at the houses lining the river – more like shanties. Many looked as if they could fall down at any minute. They all had a clothesline packed with the days wears drying in the sun. For as hot as it gets in Bangkok it’s hard to imagine a time when there isn’t laundry to be done. I saw a little girl playing, eating a red Popsicle. She looked so happy, so content. I wondered if she lived in one of the houses, imagined the red stained cartoon shirt she was wearing hanging on the clothesline later that night. I began to wonder what my version of the red popsicle is…….
After the market we made our way to a local Thai massage parlor – they’re everywhere in Thailand. We picked our massage – Swedish oil massage for 60 minutes. Upon entering the room I saw a small shower in the corner “you shower first”. I just looked at her, “umm, okay”. I probably should have taken a Xanax before this. I undressed, took at 10 second shower, and just as I was getting out she walked back in – thank God I’m not shy. As I lay face down I couldn’t help but think, “I wonder if my handbag will still be there when I leave?” , just then she crawled on top of the table, placed each knee onto each ass cheek and started kneading into my back. Well at least I knew she wasn’t going to steal my iPhone since we would be sharing the table. It took about 20 minutes before I could really relax, mainly because I kept thinking, “she’s so light, I wonder what her diet consists of”, but eventually I relaxed and let my mind wander off. Just as I was about to pinpoint my own “red popsicle” she announced, “Turn over”. So I did as I was told, only the towel stayed below my belly button, well this is new. She started rubbing my belly, okay, Buddha is big here, I’ll go with it. Then she went upward, surely she isn’t going too….yes…yes she is going too. Turns out you get a FULL body massage in Thailand. It never felt inappropriate or like I should run, although I did think if she proceeded to remove the towel further I’d have to kick her polly pocket sized ass and bolt. It was awkward and mildly humorous. The last massage I’d had was by an Asian woman in San Francisco who announced, “I go hard”, little does she know, this woman go harder. At the end of the massage I had enough oil covering me that the US Olympic Bobsled team could have run drills off my body. I was told, “shower now”. OK lady, it’s your show. Two showers and a topless massage all for $15 bucks – I’d say that’s pretty relaxing.
After lunch my mother wanted to check out a local hospital, research for her job. We had about 2 hours before our train north so we caught a cab, however, 40 minutes in to what should have been a 30 minute ride I told the driver we needed to turn around and go to the train station. We were running out of time and traffic was awful. He nodded. About 15 minutes later he pulled onto a side street and smiled. I stared at him. It was then I realized he had absolutely no idea what I’d asked him. I pulled it up on my phone and showed him, he shook his head. Fuck. He flagged down another guy who proceeded to keep saying “too far, too far”. More fuck. Panicked and short on time I showed the cab driver the address to the hotel he had picked us up at, “just take us back there”. Knowing we were supposed to be at the train station an hour early and with only 30 minutes left, I feared we’d never make it. I pulled up the directions on my phone and tried showing the driver, he pointed at his eyes and shook his head – holy shit, he can’t SEE it. Way more fucks. I had a 10-minute melt down. Then I had to get it together, think fast. We could not miss this train. I looked at the directions, read them all, tried to understand where we were vs the train station. I saw the upcoming exit the directions were saying to take. I pointed to the sign and the driver shook his head – oh god, he also can’t read the BIG signs. So I wedged my body between the seats and used my hands to point to the lanes he needed to be in. I would point left or right when he needed to change lanes and give a thumbs up each time he did something correctly. He pulled up 15 minutes before the train was to depart. I ran into the station to try and find the office to pick up our tickets – I’d ordered them online before leaving but they don’t have a system of getting them online, only in person. I found the office and the girl looked at me and said “no time”. Right. I know that. JUST. GIVE. ME. THE. TICKETS. She kept saying train 1 and holding up 5 fingers. Then she said train 5 and held up 1 finger. What the fuck? I broke out in a dead run for train 1 – why am I always running for trains? - it was to the far right of the station. I got there – no people were on it. I ran for the closest train and held up my ticket to a worker. She looked at her watch and I could tell by the panicked look on her face we were even less on time than I thought. She ran for me and grabbed my bag and told me to follow her. A nice man ran and grabbed my mothers bag and together we jumped through 4 trains on 4 different tracks before sprinting for car number 9 on train number 1 on track number 5. No fucks left
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I worked hard to plan this trip, a lot went into the logistics of it. I was determined not to miss it. I allow myself a 10 minute meltdown but then it’s time to think, assess, figure out a solution to the problem. In this case it was navigating the streets of Thailand without ever speaking and without him ever reading.
When I arrived in Bangkok I wanted to feel free and I did just that by taking my top off and telling the city “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”. Turns out I was meant to end just as I began, topless and showing someone how to get somewhere.
Well played Bangkok.
Did I ever figure out my red Popsicle? Today it was my conviction, my decisiveness…. my lack of fear.
Fight for you what you fucking love.
----------
One of the most disappointing things during the demise of my relationship was my lack of conviction, my lack of fight. I’ve always prided myself on being a decisive person. I told a friend at the time that I would labor over small decisions – ie: the Cheesecake Factory menu, but the big ones, the major ones, the important ones – I could easily make those. So when I let fear overtake me and complacency control me I was stunned and disappointed in myself. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed, but I stayed because I lost my fight. I lost myself.
Today I woke up early , another beautiful day in Bangkok. We ate breakfast outside. I drank my guava juice and ate sushi – a completely acceptable breakfast food – and thought about the day ahead. This was our last full day in Bangkok (we’ll make a brief half day appearance at the end of our trip) and I still hadn’t seen the floating market or had a Thai massage. We took a cab for the 30-minute trip to the market. It was fascinating to watch the men and women cooking on a boat and serving to locals. I looked at the houses lining the river – more like shanties. Many looked as if they could fall down at any minute. They all had a clothesline packed with the days wears drying in the sun. For as hot as it gets in Bangkok it’s hard to imagine a time when there isn’t laundry to be done. I saw a little girl playing, eating a red Popsicle. She looked so happy, so content. I wondered if she lived in one of the houses, imagined the red stained cartoon shirt she was wearing hanging on the clothesline later that night. I began to wonder what my version of the red popsicle is…….
After lunch my mother wanted to check out a local hospital, research for her job. We had about 2 hours before our train north so we caught a cab, however, 40 minutes in to what should have been a 30 minute ride I told the driver we needed to turn around and go to the train station. We were running out of time and traffic was awful. He nodded. About 15 minutes later he pulled onto a side street and smiled. I stared at him. It was then I realized he had absolutely no idea what I’d asked him. I pulled it up on my phone and showed him, he shook his head. Fuck. He flagged down another guy who proceeded to keep saying “too far, too far”. More fuck. Panicked and short on time I showed the cab driver the address to the hotel he had picked us up at, “just take us back there”. Knowing we were supposed to be at the train station an hour early and with only 30 minutes left, I feared we’d never make it. I pulled up the directions on my phone and tried showing the driver, he pointed at his eyes and shook his head – holy shit, he can’t SEE it. Way more fucks. I had a 10-minute melt down. Then I had to get it together, think fast. We could not miss this train. I looked at the directions, read them all, tried to understand where we were vs the train station. I saw the upcoming exit the directions were saying to take. I pointed to the sign and the driver shook his head – oh god, he also can’t read the BIG signs. So I wedged my body between the seats and used my hands to point to the lanes he needed to be in. I would point left or right when he needed to change lanes and give a thumbs up each time he did something correctly. He pulled up 15 minutes before the train was to depart. I ran into the station to try and find the office to pick up our tickets – I’d ordered them online before leaving but they don’t have a system of getting them online, only in person. I found the office and the girl looked at me and said “no time”. Right. I know that. JUST. GIVE. ME. THE. TICKETS. She kept saying train 1 and holding up 5 fingers. Then she said train 5 and held up 1 finger. What the fuck? I broke out in a dead run for train 1 – why am I always running for trains? - it was to the far right of the station. I got there – no people were on it. I ran for the closest train and held up my ticket to a worker. She looked at her watch and I could tell by the panicked look on her face we were even less on time than I thought. She ran for me and grabbed my bag and told me to follow her. A nice man ran and grabbed my mothers bag and together we jumped through 4 trains on 4 different tracks before sprinting for car number 9 on train number 1 on track number 5. No fucks left
---------------
I worked hard to plan this trip, a lot went into the logistics of it. I was determined not to miss it. I allow myself a 10 minute meltdown but then it’s time to think, assess, figure out a solution to the problem. In this case it was navigating the streets of Thailand without ever speaking and without him ever reading.
When I arrived in Bangkok I wanted to feel free and I did just that by taking my top off and telling the city “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”. Turns out I was meant to end just as I began, topless and showing someone how to get somewhere.
Well played Bangkok.
Did I ever figure out my red Popsicle? Today it was my conviction, my decisiveness…. my lack of fear.
Fight for you what you fucking love.