I'll double click to that
When I was looking (read: grasping) for signs to move I stumbled upon a local yoga teacher's instagram account. It was full of simple quotes and poignant poses. Her caption read something to the effect of "Columbus has my heart, but NYC has my soul". I latched on to her silent familiarity and her imagery gave me some semblance of comfort as I made my uncomfortable journey northward.
We have become friends through our frequent exchanges at her studio, as well as right across the hall - in a lovely twist of fate she ended up being my neighbor. Today she announced she would be moving to New York City for the next year. My instant moment of sadness was replaced with so much happiness for her and an ironic smile for myself. The woman who gave me the one piece of comfort in an uncomfortable situation, providing me with a space that gave me warmth through a cold winter, will now be striking out on her own adventure, right at my one year anniversary. It is a reminder that I am slowy stepping out of my life timeout. It is a reminder that I don't need her anymore, I can now guide myself. A reminder of just how far I've come.
I don't believe in coincidences. I think people and things happen just as they should - both good and bad. One year ago I was broken and tired, exhausted actually. I wasted one year of my life - a year stuck in indecisiveness and fear, frustration and resentment, agony and apathy. If I had known what the other side looked like I like to think I would have run there, but in reality I probably wouldn't have done anything different. I needed to be stuck. I needed to understand what that felt like, in hopes I would never end up there again. I needed to observe the life I had - the life I had built and at one time wanted. Then I needed to let it go.
One of my best friends left on a year long solo backpacking trip around the world. He is the same best friend my ex moved in with when he moved out of our house. He is the same best friend who when it came time to pick a side, did not pick mine. The devastation of losing them both at the same time wasn't lost on me, but I knew they each could gain something from each other, and I quietly stepped back. We haven't talked nor hung out for the better part of the past 24 months. But a couple of weeks ago when I was back in Dallas he came to a get together I had, ironically (but not coincidentally) it was his last night in Dallas before heading out on his grand adventure. We were able to talk, make amends, laugh, hug. Sometimes it isn't goodbye forever, it's just goodbye for now.
I've learned sometimes it's best to take a step back and reevaluate. I've also learned never speaking to someone again isn't a bad thing. I had a friend who helped get me through the painful process of deciding to end my relationship, she and I were extremely close - we no longer speak. I don't dislike her, in fact I actually like her a lot - but her light dims mine, so I made the choice to let her go.
I don't believe in coincidences. I finally got a yoga job and I will start teaching nearly one year to the date of when I moved here. My teaching style is the same, my motivation is thoroughly different. I look forward to helping those who show up each day find the same peace I've been able to find on my mat. I look forward to them being able to teach me through their determination, their breath, their willingness to try. I'm excited for their light, to brighten mine.
One year ago I needed a sign, anything, something....desperately. And I found an instagram account, of a woman with quotes and poses and a soul that seemed to align with my own. I took that as my sign and I ran with it. Today I know I ran in the right direction. Today I know that the only way out, is in. Today I hand the baton off to her and feel comfortable to finish out my journey on my own.
I don't believe in coincidences.
"Like".
We have become friends through our frequent exchanges at her studio, as well as right across the hall - in a lovely twist of fate she ended up being my neighbor. Today she announced she would be moving to New York City for the next year. My instant moment of sadness was replaced with so much happiness for her and an ironic smile for myself. The woman who gave me the one piece of comfort in an uncomfortable situation, providing me with a space that gave me warmth through a cold winter, will now be striking out on her own adventure, right at my one year anniversary. It is a reminder that I am slowy stepping out of my life timeout. It is a reminder that I don't need her anymore, I can now guide myself. A reminder of just how far I've come.
I don't believe in coincidences. I think people and things happen just as they should - both good and bad. One year ago I was broken and tired, exhausted actually. I wasted one year of my life - a year stuck in indecisiveness and fear, frustration and resentment, agony and apathy. If I had known what the other side looked like I like to think I would have run there, but in reality I probably wouldn't have done anything different. I needed to be stuck. I needed to understand what that felt like, in hopes I would never end up there again. I needed to observe the life I had - the life I had built and at one time wanted. Then I needed to let it go.
One of my best friends left on a year long solo backpacking trip around the world. He is the same best friend my ex moved in with when he moved out of our house. He is the same best friend who when it came time to pick a side, did not pick mine. The devastation of losing them both at the same time wasn't lost on me, but I knew they each could gain something from each other, and I quietly stepped back. We haven't talked nor hung out for the better part of the past 24 months. But a couple of weeks ago when I was back in Dallas he came to a get together I had, ironically (but not coincidentally) it was his last night in Dallas before heading out on his grand adventure. We were able to talk, make amends, laugh, hug. Sometimes it isn't goodbye forever, it's just goodbye for now.
I've learned sometimes it's best to take a step back and reevaluate. I've also learned never speaking to someone again isn't a bad thing. I had a friend who helped get me through the painful process of deciding to end my relationship, she and I were extremely close - we no longer speak. I don't dislike her, in fact I actually like her a lot - but her light dims mine, so I made the choice to let her go.
I don't believe in coincidences. I finally got a yoga job and I will start teaching nearly one year to the date of when I moved here. My teaching style is the same, my motivation is thoroughly different. I look forward to helping those who show up each day find the same peace I've been able to find on my mat. I look forward to them being able to teach me through their determination, their breath, their willingness to try. I'm excited for their light, to brighten mine.
One year ago I needed a sign, anything, something....desperately. And I found an instagram account, of a woman with quotes and poses and a soul that seemed to align with my own. I took that as my sign and I ran with it. Today I know I ran in the right direction. Today I know that the only way out, is in. Today I hand the baton off to her and feel comfortable to finish out my journey on my own.
I don't believe in coincidences.
"Like".