Beach baby

The sun sets in shades of purple here. It's a color absent from my life back home, but here is defines my experience. I can't look away. The moon fights for equal space, radiating a milky white amidst the color wheel of violet in the opposing direction. The palm trees whistle in the wind. The waves make their own music crashing and rising against the soft sand.  There is no Instagram filter that can compete with this, no camera that can capture this moment in its entirety. It is a moment that is all mine. It's a unique beauty can be felt but not touched.

We were walking down a dirt road into town and a couple pulled up in a pickup truck asking if we needed a ride into town. Cautious but willing we got in. They were Canadian, just as excited to escape the cold as we were. It turned out they were staying at the same place as us. We ran into them three more occasions, each time respecting each other's vacation space, but smiling and waving, a nod to a shared love of the purple.

Ive read two books on this vacation and written numerous times. I've slept in and fallen asleep to the sound to the waves crashing. There is no television and with a private beach we rarely see people. Other than the Canadian couple I'm not sure anyone else is staying at our place. It's a welcome solitude. I am an extroverted introvert. I spend my days constantly interacting with people. I enjoy it, but I recharge by being alone. I need the quiet. I need space to think. My boyfriend is the same way and luckily together we are able to accomplish this.

Our place has a kitchen so we've spent most days leisurely waking up and making breakfast before heading down to the beach. We eat when we're hungry and venture into town when we feel like it. We wear swim suits all day long, my only makeup being my sun kissed cheeks. My hair is a tousled mess hidden beneath a hat. Our conversations center around world events and our goals for the future. It's easy and simple.

I recently got put on a vitamin D supplement, for a girl who has spent the majority of her life in the south this was a tough blow. I need the sun, I need to feel the warmth on my body - it helps clear my overanxious head. As I soak in the current dose of vitamin D I breathe slowly, methodically. I'm calm. I've actually been calm for awhile now. The anxiety has lessened the past few months, the panic attacks are few and far between. I may love the sun but I am experienced enough to know that it won't save me or make me happy. So while the place I currently call home isn't my ideal choice, I am in the midst of creating my ideal life.

I recently read the quote, "instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe set up a life you don't need to escape from" (Seth Godin). A few years ago I had no idea how to make this happen. Today I'm thankful that I get to look for a new job while still liking my current one. I'm thankful I have a partner who challenges me and makes me a better human. I have a home. I get to wake up everyday with the possibility of what's ahead. I live in a city where naturopaths and acupuncturists abound, two resources I've sought out to help with anxiety and stomach issues.

The ocean is my happy place. The sun is my happy place. Both provide me with calmness. It's no longer about escaping, but it is about slowing down long enough to appreciate what I have, where I'm at, in this moment. And luckily, I'm able to leave my vitamin D supplement securely packed away.