I got 99 problems...but....

"Can't you post something that is more favorable? Happy? Something that makes you smile all the way through?"

                   -the new age progressive friend

I've never been very good with expressing the positive, the happy, the non sarcastic. I find comfort in the caustic, but I present to you my version of a love letter....

There is the girl who I met in a class in college. I don't even remember how we started talking, but I do remember sharing a muffin at a local cafe as I freed myself to her, unleashing my secret relationship, my soap opera childhood. We talked for hours and she gave me renewed hope - ever the optimist I walked away feeling lighter than I had in months, maybe years. It's a feeling she would continue to give me throughout the last 9 years. She got married a couple years ago and we sat on the balcony overlooking the pacific ocean eating a muffin....ironic really, given we both hate carbs..

There is the girl who got a front row seat to my life unraveling and my erratic behavior as my date to a Mexican wedding. She was my college roommate. The free spirited wild girl who danced to the beat of her own drum and could talk her way into ANYTHING. She once convinced a waitress it was her 21st birthday, even told her to check her ID. She did. The dumbass couldn't do math because it was her 20TH birthday, but we all got free shots. Her room looked like bed bath and beyond and rainbow bright had a rave and then threw up - but I loved that she didn't give a damn and shockingly enough knew where everything was (there wasn't enough xanax on the planet to make me go in there). She pushed me to become a yoga instructor and inspired me to let go....even if for a moment.

The "work girls", the girls who it seems only became close to me when it was time for me to go. They listened to my absurd stories, watched me cry, shut the door to their office and gave me a box of kleenex. They made me laugh and during the moments when I just needed to step away, told people "she's sick".  They're both married with children - we're at opposite ends of the life spectrum, and yet, we're not. 

My fellow Oklahoma girl.  I wouldn't meet her until long after we both left Oklahoma with big dreams.  We would become friends for a short period of time until she ran off to pursue bigger dreams, but we would find ourselves in the same crossroads known as Ohio years later. Funny how life works out. She might be the strongest person I have ever known, but she would never tell you.  In fact she won't tell you much.  She listens and offers a unique perspective. We always joke that one day we'll "Thelma & Louise" ourselves right off the ledge, the truth is - she always talks me down. And when she needs me, I do the same (well...after I'm done talking).

The worldly girl, the one who is far cooler than I'll ever be. With her record player and 70's clothes she is unique and ambitious. She'll fight her way to the top but take you with her when she gets there. She doesn't think life's a game - she wants everyone to win. I've also been naked in her apartment almost as much as mine. 

My sister - the one who despite the missteps and the bruises - always gets back up again. She moves forward. I once got her all dolled up, even put her in an animal print top before we all went out.  At the end of the night she ended up carrying everyone's coat while I was off doing lord knows what. Always maternal, she has her own style, her own way of going about things and right or wrong she always figures it out. (She never has worn animal print again though).

To these girls...I thank you. These are the ones who have been privvy to the tears, to the sleepless nights, to the highs and lows. They never judged me, never pushed me to make choices I wasn't ready to make, never scolded me or turned their back. When the time came to choose a side, they stood right next to me. They are all different and unique, they all bring their own perspective to the table, but they are all strong and they all provide me with unwavering strength. 

There have been a few times in my life I've felt I was losing the love of my life......but for every one I lost, a handful have always remained...and they always will.

To my soulmates. I love you.

....how was that?