Please don't say "pretty" - try again.....
"You're hot."
"You're SO hot."
"You're super hot."
and my personal favorite (sarcasm):
"You're so pretttttyyy."
------------------------------
One of my ex boyfriends always hated that I would never acknowledge the way men looked at me - the perception of me. "Whitney, it's scary that you could be so naive as to not see how men view you." I would usually roll my eyes. This would elicit, "either you're incredibly naive or just playing dumb - neither make me feel secure about the situation". I DON'T CARE. Which was true. I didn't care. That's not how I viewed myself, so it seemed pointless to acknowledge.
But to set the record straight. YES, I SEE it. I SEE what they see. The hair, the makeup, and depending on my mood the short dress, the low cut top - I see it. When it comes to men it's a bit of a game, which ones of them can see past that - which ones even care too (not many). Most are content with the tangential facade before them, most are content talking to the "pretty girl". A long time male friend used to get mad at me when we'd go to bars, "Whitney, that guy you were talking to is an idiot and doesn't care about YOU", "DUH." Men are not interested in discussing ISIS or the anniversary of the Armenian genocide - they want the fun girl, the light hearted banter. They want to buy me a drink. They want to talk about themselves. They want the pretty girl, so the pretty girl is what they get....for about 15 minutes...and then I'm bored.
I've never seriously dated anyone who I met as the dressed up version of myself. The last guy I dated I met dressed as a fictional Mexican child - Dora the Explorer - on Halloween. My ex and I's first date was dinner on a Monday night and me in a pant suit coming straight from work. My college boyfriend and I's first date consisted of me wearing shorts, a tank top, and a baseball hat. The quirky girl, the professional girl, the Oklahoma girl - all are more indicative of who I am. Given my love of fashion the adult version of dress up is a fun process. However, when it's all stripped away, I want the person across from me to have something more to offer than "you're pretty". I want "you're smart, you're cool, you're interesting, you're a great writer", hell I'll even take "you're batshit crazy". I want compliments that show the other person knows me, that they've listened to the things I say, the things I've done.
So yes, I SEE IT. I just choose to not place value in it. Don't misunderstand, the looks based compliments are great. However, "you look gorgeous" means something more - something better - when being said by someone who knows the girl underneath it all.
Tonight I was facetiming with a male friend of mine. I'd just gotten out of the shower - no makeup, wet and curly hair, old Oklahoma tank top on and he goes "you look beautiful". Not one snarky, sarcastic, caustic thing entered my head........just those two little words...."thank you". It meant something.....it meant more than just the way I looked....
--------------------
So yes...I see it, but I want you to see me.
"You're SO hot."
"You're super hot."
and my personal favorite (sarcasm):
"You're so pretttttyyy."
------------------------------
One of my ex boyfriends always hated that I would never acknowledge the way men looked at me - the perception of me. "Whitney, it's scary that you could be so naive as to not see how men view you." I would usually roll my eyes. This would elicit, "either you're incredibly naive or just playing dumb - neither make me feel secure about the situation". I DON'T CARE. Which was true. I didn't care. That's not how I viewed myself, so it seemed pointless to acknowledge.
But to set the record straight. YES, I SEE it. I SEE what they see. The hair, the makeup, and depending on my mood the short dress, the low cut top - I see it. When it comes to men it's a bit of a game, which ones of them can see past that - which ones even care too (not many). Most are content with the tangential facade before them, most are content talking to the "pretty girl". A long time male friend used to get mad at me when we'd go to bars, "Whitney, that guy you were talking to is an idiot and doesn't care about YOU", "DUH." Men are not interested in discussing ISIS or the anniversary of the Armenian genocide - they want the fun girl, the light hearted banter. They want to buy me a drink. They want to talk about themselves. They want the pretty girl, so the pretty girl is what they get....for about 15 minutes...and then I'm bored.
I've never seriously dated anyone who I met as the dressed up version of myself. The last guy I dated I met dressed as a fictional Mexican child - Dora the Explorer - on Halloween. My ex and I's first date was dinner on a Monday night and me in a pant suit coming straight from work. My college boyfriend and I's first date consisted of me wearing shorts, a tank top, and a baseball hat. The quirky girl, the professional girl, the Oklahoma girl - all are more indicative of who I am. Given my love of fashion the adult version of dress up is a fun process. However, when it's all stripped away, I want the person across from me to have something more to offer than "you're pretty". I want "you're smart, you're cool, you're interesting, you're a great writer", hell I'll even take "you're batshit crazy". I want compliments that show the other person knows me, that they've listened to the things I say, the things I've done.
So yes, I SEE IT. I just choose to not place value in it. Don't misunderstand, the looks based compliments are great. However, "you look gorgeous" means something more - something better - when being said by someone who knows the girl underneath it all.
Tonight I was facetiming with a male friend of mine. I'd just gotten out of the shower - no makeup, wet and curly hair, old Oklahoma tank top on and he goes "you look beautiful". Not one snarky, sarcastic, caustic thing entered my head........just those two little words...."thank you". It meant something.....it meant more than just the way I looked....
--------------------
So yes...I see it, but I want you to see me.